No free seat.

Sebastian insists on going. I don’t understand his change of heart. It was his decision not to go in the first place. Now he seems driven, even possessed. No one else wants this to happen, me least of all. They’re all sure he will die in the sub, leaving them with a poopy corpse. Never mind the ensuing investigation by the authorities, the press nightmare, and the probable end to the required funding.

I wonder if Dr. Perry has already told him about the inhalant she gave me? I wonder if he suspects I went behind his back again?

I’ve got to do something. I can’t let this opportunity go by. I’ve got to find out what happened to Liz, and if Sebastian insists on taking his place aboard the Sea Monk, then I no longer have mine.

Liz was always the one to help me make the hard decisions. She could be a hard woman. She was funny and loved to have a good time, but in crisis or under duress, Liz wasn’t someone you wanted as an adversary.

Last night I woke up in the dark and rolled over, still half-asleep. I buried my face into the blanket and thought for sure I was smelling Liz’s hair. I was struck by the happy surprise, but it wasn’t real. The only thing here leftover from Elisabeth is her cat. I called for Joy in the middle of the night, but the only answer I got was a rough blanket and a half-remembered perfume.

What would you tell me to do if you were here, Liz? All of my options are bad ones. I still think Sebastian is a wonderful man. But he is in the way. I’m not sure he is committed like I am. He and I have already hit a few bumps in the road; is it really such a big deal if I ram us into another one?

I tried to reason with Sebastian earlier. He has mostly forgiven me for my little publicity stunt. The fundraising helped. But he’s adamant that he needs to be on the Sea Monk. He became so agitated, Dr. Perry had to put him under with morphine. That’s powerful stuff, and Sebastian went right to sleep. He’ll be out for almost twenty-four hours with the dosage she gave him. I happened to see where she put it.

I’ve used needles before.